Technology has played a lot of role in our life. In everything that we are not sure, we can search it online to find the answer. The same way goes for parents. When things happening to them while they are pregnant or even after giving birth, they can search any information that they need. I remember my childhood as fun years. I like to go to ride bicycle with my neighbor, play jumping rope with my school friends, etc. Both boys and girls are playing together, we try to mingle with each other and from there we found close friends. But for the new generation, I feel that they have found new ‘fun’ things to do. I saw some parents are giving their kids a tabletThese days when I saw the new generations, I feel that they missed a lot of things. Even for us as a parent or future parent. They know a lot of gadgets more than what we have in the past. You might be surprised that the smart phone era is just started in late 90s and tablet itself, such as Apple Ipad, is just started around 2010. So it’s not that long, but it has change the way we raise the new generation.

Technology is neither good nor bad. It’s just a matter on how we use it. I saw some parents hand a tablet to their kids just so that the parents can have a deep conversation with their friends. It’s good right? It’s like a magic wand, given to the kids so that they can play by themselves and the parents can do whatever they need to do. But I feel that this kind of mentality, shape us on how we raise the new generation. People are more impatient on how to calm their young ones. In this case, they don’t need to try something else and they know the kids will be calm down. Some parents loose the touch to raise their kids themselves. How about you? I’m sure you know how to handle your kids by yourself. I’m afraid that I will be the one that will do the same mistake as common parents do. I heard a part of radio sermon from Michael Youssef by accident. I just tune in the radio and I heard the message about parenting. I’m not sure who was the target audience, but as a future parent, I feel that the message is for me. And this message is for you also who want to raise your children.

There are 5 actions that parents need to do:
1. You (parents) should build them (children) up
Our job is to build them up. So, it is better to remind them on the gifts/talents that God has put in them. Don’t remind them on the weakness that they have. it will only exasperate them. And a note from me, the things that you focus on, will make you notice it more. Which one do you want to spot more? the talents or the weaknesses?

2. Don’t give a sign that your children is a burden or treat them as a burden
Some people has a hard time to get even one on their own. As much as you want to claim or boast that it’s because of yourself, your son and/or daughter is a gift from God. you can’t do anything to make sure they grow to be who they are. Parent’s should be responsible on the gift that they have received. on a personal note, I know some people have an accident, as in they are being raped. It’s out of your control. I know it’s a sad and hard to accept that your son or daughter is a gift. But there is a reason why you got him/her. It might take your whole life to understand why. I pray that God’s love to fill your heart and His wisdom to fill you to guide you on what to do and what to teach on your children. It won’t be an easy journey. for most people but remember, no matter how bad and how long the storm is, God promise a rainbow at the end. it might be a long time but He will be with you all the time.

3. Don’t give a guilt treatment if they do less than us
Each person (including your children) has specific gift or talents that might be different from one another. having a child that have different talents doesn’t mean that they are a failure. God has put your children and you in this world with specific reason. it’s a blessing if you can see that your children has the same trait as you. but if it isn’t, don’t be sad or make them feel guilty. God has created us uniquely. don’t expect them to behave the same way like you would. The sooner you see your baby as a person, the easier it is for you to accept who they are. he/she is not the other baby that you wish you have. Treat the kid as who he/she is.

4. Don’t hold your love as punishment for them.
Similar like guilt treatment, don’t give a cold shoulder to your children when they are wrong. Teach them to understand their mistake and to learn from it. I have been raised with this cold treatment when I made mistake when was a child. This will be a challenge for me. At the end of the day, your parents doesn’t have the power to do the same thing to your kid. You and I have the control on how to treat them directly. I know it’s hard for me. I hope it’s not hard for you.

5. Lastly, we need to encourage our children
From what I can see, Asian parents tend to be less encouraging than other parents. It’s good to encourage your children. Remember, it’s not a superficial encouragement. it’s a real one. If they do well, encourage them. remember the first few points. don’t hold your encouragement on the things that they are doing well. it’s better to hold your criticism on the mistake that they did rather than hold your encouragement. The hard thing is to balance your encouragement. If you over encourage them, they will have a superficial confident; but if you don’t encourage enough, they won’t have any confidence. From what I learn so far, don’t compare your son/daughter with other children. But compare him/her with himself/herself in the past. When they did better from what they did in the past, encourage them.

It doesn’t matter on how you have been raised in the past. Now, you have it in your control on how to raise them. I know it is hard to treat something different from how you have been treated in the past. But think it this way, you have more things that you know it’s better not to do because you know how your kid will fill if you do the same thing. And you’ll know what you need to do on the things that you feel good because of that.

Question: How do you raise your children? Do you have some more tips on how to treat younger children?

Colossians 3:21 – “…do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged”