There is always something that can go wrong in any day. No matter how careful you have prepare things. Some things might go wrong. I hope it’s not that often in your life. Today is the day when something goes wrong. Everything seems aligned to make me angry. I woke up a bit late this morning, so that I come a little late to the office. Then the client choose, on this particular day, to pressure something that is ridiculous. It’s just not make sense and he seems to make it so big, as if he knows everything and pushing things on me. I try to explain that it is not relevant and I need time to assess the situation and will revert to him later. He agrees on it just for a few minutes. Several minutes later, he called me again and ask for update. I feel speechless and I raised my voice while explaining things to him, which I’m sure he just won’t get it, and at the end of it, he just not listen to anything I said. Sigh. I slammed the phone and decided not to answer his phone for the rest of today.

If you are in my situation, will you do the same thing? I’m sure you do. When people step on your toes when you feel everything is wrong, you’ll be angry too. I didn’t experience this first hand, but I can feel the pain incurred from the situation. This incident spark a few perspective; Some people says that in the work place, we need to be professional. There’s nothing personal when other person yell at you or the like. And some people will carry their emotion to the table and they feel that it’s fine. In reality, even though we probably know that we need to be professional, we made and/receive comments that is personal. Instead of attacking the issue, the statement is more towards the behavior of the person.

I have shared about the benefit of anger in my previous post. So you can agree that it has some benefit to release those anger. As a matter of fact, from what I learned, I must express it before it harm myself. I’m sure you can agree to that and would understand that it is the right thing to do. But, is it really the best way to do it? From this incident, and after I cool down from the emotion, I learn 5 tips to remember when everyone and everything seems trying to irritate you.
1. Slow down
When you are angry, you will think faster. Not for solving the problem, but on how to make the other person suffer. So, before you regret what you will said, slow down. Stop if you need. One of my psychologist friend, told me to take a deep breath and count to 3 when you are angry. It’s not for thr best of the others. It is for you

2. Stop reloading, and start listening.
Most of the time, when I’m angry, I will reload my mind on how to attack or counter attack the other party on that I can win the argument. Do you feel the same way? Sometime, it will ease your mind when you listen to what he has. And I know, it is hard, especially when the conversation is full of bad words. I try to think this way. That person is not planning to irritate me when he/she got up from the bed. Something might happen to them, so that they behave like this. As much as you can, ask for patience to read behind the words. Remember this words: everyone is not guilty until it proven otherwise.

3. Stop rehearsing in your mind.
I know a lot of people, prefer to think inside their mind. Even days after the incident has ended. I did that too. I think ways that I could do or say during the incident. Until one day, I realize that I’ve done a stupid things. When I’m angry and think bad things about the other person, nothing happens. As much as I want to hurt the other person, that person still fine. But for myself, it makes my energy drained and my blood pressure goes up. That’s why I feel that it is better to stop thinking or kindle the anger. It only make yourself in worse shape.

4. Forgive the offense
Unlike popular believe, or maybe the believe of most people that I know, forgiveness is not a silver bullet. Sometimes it’s not a one time thing. You might need to forgive that person over and over again. No matter because of new offense or old offense, and no matter whether the person is still alive or not, and no matter whether the person regretful or not. It has nothing to do with them. Although, I agree, not to stay put when the other person abuse you. But, as I said, it is about you. When you are not forgiving, it’s like drinking a poison yourself and expect the offender to suffer. Release your anger and forgive. It will do more good than harm. And beside, it happened a long time ago and even the offender has forget about it. Don’t you feel more mad when you know it? You really hold to the offense, while the other person just oblivious about it.

5. Attack the issue and not the character.
I know it is hard to just focus on the issue and not the character. Seems that when people make an offense, we think that that’s because his character that is lazy, or clumsy, or just don’t want to change. It is better to discuss what happen around the issue and move on. Don’t make your mind fills the dots that is non existence and make you furious. Talk about the current problem, not about past incident and future possibilities of problem. When you talk about past problem caused by that person, and then stated the possibilities of happening again in the future, it will become most probable to happen. So it’s not because they want to do it, but because you or me telling that to him/her.

I watched the movie lovesick recently. It’s about Charlie (played by Mark LeBlanc) who became clinically insane when he fall in love. If you can, take time to watch it. it was released in 2014 and it’s good movie to watch. The reason why I mention this movie, because it shows that when Charlie saw something, he filled his mind with non existence things that make him furious. Can you imagine when you do similar thing when you’re angry? your mind keep filling the thoughts and fueling your anger, even when it’s not true. Likewise, it could be happening to you and me. Not in that extreme, but it could happen.

Before the anger take control of your mind and life, forgive the offense. Even though it’s hard to believe, that person (whoever that is) doesn’t wake up every morning, planning on how to irritate you and me.

What do you usually do when you angry? Do you have tips that you can share that can help or share your thoughts about this area?

“In fact, not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith.

Ephesians 4:26 – Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger